All my life, I’ve been a forward thinker. I’ve always been so focused on “what comes next” and was certain that the next step was undoubtedly going to be more exciting than the place I was at. In high school, I couldn’t wait for college. In college, I couldn’t wait to graduate. When I was in a long term relationship, all I could think about was marriage, and kids. Time could not go by fast enough.
Now, at 23 years old, I’ve done a complete 180.
Time, please slow down.
I’ve looked at my [short] 23 years of life so far, and I’ve got to say that I have accomplished a lot. I’ve graduated college, and am 5 short months away from finishing my master’s degree. I have a great group of friends, some loving family members and a lot to be proud of.
But on the eve of starting my career, I’ve realized that everything “known” is slipping away from me. While my childhood is a distant memory, my teens are long gone, and my early 20’s are fading, and FAST. I will no longer be going to school, nor will I know what my “plan” is for the next 5 or 10 years of my life. For someone who thrives on plans and the future, this is a very scary thing.
I know what I want in life, but I’m not about to force these things to happen (although, let me be clear, I’m still accepting applications for future husbands and future baby-daddies). Instead, for one of the first times in my life, I’m contented with the stage I’m at.
All I ask for is for time not to go by so fast.
Give me time to enjoy where I’m at, because as scary as it is, it’s a beautiful place and I don’t want to rush through it.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monday, December 19, 2011
Girls, girls, girls
I hate to admit it, but this describes me to a tee. I'm pretty sure I've said/done, every one of these things. It's hilarious. Enjoy!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
"More than just our Marilyn Monroe"
I have had a somewhat recent, yet strong, interest in Marilyn Monroe. The obsession came on somewhat randomly; never once had I given her much thought. Merely she was a woman famous less for her actual contribution to Hollywood, but more so to her contribution to American society as the first true “sex symbol”.
Nevertheless, one summer day I wandered into my local used bookstore and found a book, Blonde, written by one of my favorite authors, Joyce Carol Oates. I purchased this fictionalized account of Norma Jean Baker/Mortenson and immediately became engrossed in this character. This woman, whose life was cut tragically short, fascinated the world, and continues to do so to this day. However this fascination did not, and does not, always come in a positive form. On the contrary, many exhibited their fascination towards her through detest; they declare her unintelligent, promiscuous, and instable.
What many did not recognize was all the strength she had, regardless of the irreversible moment of weakness that came at the end of her life. Today, in a society slowly climbing it’s way out of the “heroin-chic” era that had girls puking in toilets to stay under 100 pounds, we applaud her curvaceous body. But Norma Jeane, with all the trials and tribulations she endured, deserves much more. She deserves our admiration.
Norma Jeane’s upbringing was no short of traumatic, as her mentally ill mother forced her to bounce from foster home to foster home. While in foster care, she suffered sexual abuse as a child and teenager. As she grew up and gained fame, she eventually spoke out about it, but the reception was unsupportive to say the least. In a time in which abuse was hushed and not discussed, her openness was unwelcome. She was ostracized and it was portrayed as her fault. Her ability to be one of, if not THE first, celebrity to speak out against such an atrocity showed a strength that today we would celebrate.
Due to her upbringing, it is not surprising that Norma Jeane sought attention through her sexuality. This was unfortunate in a sense, as this highlighted her insecurity. However this should not be totally viewed in a negative light. Like the flappers of the 20’s, she enjoyed her sexuality in a way that was typically reserved for men. Men, with all their masculinity, were allowed to smoke, drink and enjoy the human pleasure of sex, and what’s more, they were praised for doing so. Women, on the other hand, were seen as vulgar for exhibiting their sex appeal to anyone other than their male companion. Norma Jeane enjoyed her sexiness, as any woman should, and wasn’t afraid to state it (“I’m very definitely a woman and I enjoy it”). She owned her sexuality.
As a result, men resented her. Women feared her.
Norma Jeane’s womanhood was powerful to the extent that it was able to be independent from men – a concept almost unthinkable in domesticated America. She was a woman, and a sexual woman at that, on her own accord, without a male to discover or define it. Other woman of that time were idolized, and continue to be so, but for what? Their passivity? Doris Day was praised for being the virginal, all-American, girl next door. Even the beloved Jackie Kennedy, with all her poise and glamour, was simply a political accessory of her famous husband. Don’t believe it? In recent tapes released from Jacki O, she stated, “Someone said, ‘Where do you get your opinions?’ And I said, ‘I get all my opinions from my husband.’ Which is true. How could I have any political opinions, you know? His were going to be the best.” She remained a secondary cog of her husband’s political manifesto.
Norma Jeane, unknown to many, was an intelligent woman, masked by the media as the “dumb, sexy blonde”. An avid reader, poet, politically aware citizen and accepting activist, she was never given the credit due. She had a mind of her own, an unpublicized recognition she never received in a world of women who often just smiled and nodded. Ella Fitzgerald credits Norma Jeane for jumpstarting her career, and being ahead of her time due to her accepting racial beliefs. A recently released interview with her had this statement: “What I really want to say: That what the world really needs is a real feeling of kinship. Everybody: stars, laborers, Negroes, Jews, Arabs. We are all brothers. Please don't make me a joke. End the interview with what I believe”. This part never made it to print.
And possibly most to be admired, Norma Jeane had vulnerabilities, like all humans have. However more importantly, she was self-reflective, and recognized her flaws. She once said, “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” Weakness happens. Sadness happens. Mistakes happen. And as humans, too often those that exhibit these traits are seen as pathetic; fragile. Instead, we should honor those with the ability to objectively view themselves, for reflection is the most successful path for improvement. Unfortunately, at times her vulnerabilities got the best of her – she was tortured, belittled and troubled, by those closest to her but also by the millions who never even knew her. But her ability to express these vulnerabilities showed us that she was human. Too often female celebrities of the 50’s (Audrey Hepburn, Doris Day), were beacons of poise, stability. But was that a façade? Did it give women an unrealistic expectation to live up to? To be strong, elegant, and “ok” 100% of the time? Today, we value weakness. It is less taboo, and more excepted for people to receive therapy, anti-depressants, etc., and confronting our demons is considered the right thing to do. Vulnerability is ok, and Norma Jeane was not afraid to show that and be honest about it.
In short, Marilyn Monroe was ahead of her time – in her sexuality, feminine role, activism (racial, political and sexual), and honesty regarding her vulnerabilities. Too often people pity her innocent and her helplessness, they scorn her sex appeal, and they mock her intellect. She was not perfect – no one is. Certainly she made mistakes, however she also embodied characteristics to be admired, and revered – characteristics we should emulate. And I hope, in the years to come, she becomes bigger than the sex symbol she represented.
Now, in the Marilyn spirit, I'm off to see the new Michelle Williams movie, "My Week with Marilyn". I'll let you know how it goes, but for now, I'll leave you with quite possibly my favorite quote from her...“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Herman Cain
Seeing as how the Republican party seems to be getting more ridiculous by the minute, I share with you my top three Herman Cain quotes. Sarah Palin? Rick Perry? Herman Cain? Can Republicans actually find someone with a BIT of intelligence?
Really? No Herman, that doesn't clear ANYTHING up for ANY of us...
Ummm...isn't the fact that the whole country thinks you're an adulterous liar a good enough reason to take a lie detector test?
Of COURSE your wife would say that. If she said "Oh, sexual harrassment? That sounds exactly like you!" we should be seriously concerned about the state of your marriage...even more so than we already are.
Really? No Herman, that doesn't clear ANYTHING up for ANY of us...
Ummm...isn't the fact that the whole country thinks you're an adulterous liar a good enough reason to take a lie detector test?
Of COURSE your wife would say that. If she said "Oh, sexual harrassment? That sounds exactly like you!" we should be seriously concerned about the state of your marriage...even more so than we already are.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
I'm baaaaaaaaack
Alright, it's been a while. But here I am, equipped with a new blog format (background courtesy of MOI, taken in Sainte Chapelle). Since I last posted a lot has happened; I graduated college, went to Paris, started graduate school and began my student teaching. It's been a whirlwind of a past few months, but as busy as I've been, I've been enjoying every second of it :)
Monday, May 2, 2011
Osama bin Laden
So Osama bin Laden is dead.
Way to go America?
I guess I really don’t know what to say in a situation like this. As happy as the United States seems to be, to me there is something unsettling about celebrating a death, regardless of how horrific the being may have been (click on the title for a link to an interesting article).
I’m conflicted. There’s a quote from Mark Twain that states, “'I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure." And I guess that holds true…I mean, I’m sure everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the real-life villains of our time died – Hitler, Hussein, Osama, etc. But what does this solve? What does this do?
Here is another quote, that I tend to lean towards:
We didn’t stop terrorism yesterday. We didn’t ensure that acts of violence against America would no longer happen. Instead, we made ourselves feel better by killing one – albeit, one very POWERFUL – individual.
Revenge is a vicious, scary cycle. We “got them back”, I guess, but now does that make it THEIR turn? When does it end? Like my staunchly anti-death penalty stance, I view murder for murder as one of the most hypocritical and unproductive punishments there are. It yields more anger, more hurt, and more hate.
This may seem a little off on a tangent, but stay with me here: throughout my life, I’ve at times wanted to be a vegetarian (hating the thought of an innocent animal dying). To me, eating those fat, juicy steaks I came to love were that much better if I internally convinced myself that the cow had died of natural causes. As yesterday’s news rolled around, the same idea came to mind – if he had died rather haphazardly I may have seen more joy in it. I would have thanked luck, not the SWAT team with machine guns.
Again, I’m conflicted. I know the world is a better place without him in it, but, taking away the individual, the idea of celebrating the murder of a person seems wrong. The elation of Americans proves that we are an insensitive, egocentric country.
And, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that one of the main reasons terrorists targeted us in the first place?
Way to go America?
I guess I really don’t know what to say in a situation like this. As happy as the United States seems to be, to me there is something unsettling about celebrating a death, regardless of how horrific the being may have been (click on the title for a link to an interesting article).
I’m conflicted. There’s a quote from Mark Twain that states, “'I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure." And I guess that holds true…I mean, I’m sure everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the real-life villains of our time died – Hitler, Hussein, Osama, etc. But what does this solve? What does this do?
Here is another quote, that I tend to lean towards:
"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that" - Martin Luther King, Jr.
We didn’t stop terrorism yesterday. We didn’t ensure that acts of violence against America would no longer happen. Instead, we made ourselves feel better by killing one – albeit, one very POWERFUL – individual.
Revenge is a vicious, scary cycle. We “got them back”, I guess, but now does that make it THEIR turn? When does it end? Like my staunchly anti-death penalty stance, I view murder for murder as one of the most hypocritical and unproductive punishments there are. It yields more anger, more hurt, and more hate.
This may seem a little off on a tangent, but stay with me here: throughout my life, I’ve at times wanted to be a vegetarian (hating the thought of an innocent animal dying). To me, eating those fat, juicy steaks I came to love were that much better if I internally convinced myself that the cow had died of natural causes. As yesterday’s news rolled around, the same idea came to mind – if he had died rather haphazardly I may have seen more joy in it. I would have thanked luck, not the SWAT team with machine guns.
Again, I’m conflicted. I know the world is a better place without him in it, but, taking away the individual, the idea of celebrating the murder of a person seems wrong. The elation of Americans proves that we are an insensitive, egocentric country.
And, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that one of the main reasons terrorists targeted us in the first place?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Exciting news, coming my way!
Brag time.
I finished my thesis a couple weeks ago, and as I’ve already shared with most of you, I nominated to pass with distinction (which is the highest honor you can get for your honors thesis). It goes into review April 25th, and I should know after that if I won such honor. I had lunch with my thesis advisor yesterday, and he told me I shouldn’t worry – he’d be surprised if I didn’t pass with distinction. He said usually on committees the four evaluators duke it out, for they have to be unanimous in their favorable vote. In my case, all four evaluators, without hesitation or discussion, nominated me.
I also got recommended and submitted my research for two undergraduate research awards. I presented at a symposium on Monday to a board of six research professors, and I should hear back from them soon. They had quite a few positive things to say about my project – one professor praised my thorough research, another my writing and writing style. In fact, one of the evaluators is friends with my advisor, Jesse, and told him (in confidence, so shhhh) that I had a really good shot at winning. So we’ll see!
But the biggest news, is that I found out the day I presented at the symposium that I won the other research award; the Emeritus Society Award. I was ecstatic, to say the least, and unbelievably proud. I haven’t won something of that magnitude ever, so it was so fulfilling and something I will always remember. I attend an awards ceremony Tuesday to accept the award. Check out the announcement on WSU’s website by clicking the title of this blog.
Yesterday, Jesse took me out to lunch to celebrate. It was a great time, and in the end, he told me that I was no longer my advisor or professor, and I was no longer his student or mentee. From now on, he said, we should refer to each other as friends. We promised to keep in touch, and meet up whenever I come to Pullman or if he’s in Seattle. I will definitely miss him, and am so thankful for having the opportunity to work with him.
At lunch though, Jesse shared with me one more piece of exciting news. An Emeritus professor at WSU read my work and was enamored by it. He asked Jesse to give me his email so that I could potentially send him another copy. He also asked if he could share it with a professor at a different university who is in the process of writing a book on Jewish history. I considered this request such an honor. What’s even more exciting is that this Emeritus professor is in the education field and is a leading researcher and advocate in school reform in Washington State, specifically in regards to the WASL. Jesse stated this might be a good opportunity to get into contact with him, as I myself am going into education and he is certainly well established and respected in the field. So I am beyond excited to talk to him and feel so proud that someone with such high credentials felt so strongly about my work.
Alright, enough bragging. I apologize, but it’s been a whirlwind of a last week or so, and I had to share all this exciting news! Thanks for listening to my ramble on, yet again, about my thesis!
I finished my thesis a couple weeks ago, and as I’ve already shared with most of you, I nominated to pass with distinction (which is the highest honor you can get for your honors thesis). It goes into review April 25th, and I should know after that if I won such honor. I had lunch with my thesis advisor yesterday, and he told me I shouldn’t worry – he’d be surprised if I didn’t pass with distinction. He said usually on committees the four evaluators duke it out, for they have to be unanimous in their favorable vote. In my case, all four evaluators, without hesitation or discussion, nominated me.
I also got recommended and submitted my research for two undergraduate research awards. I presented at a symposium on Monday to a board of six research professors, and I should hear back from them soon. They had quite a few positive things to say about my project – one professor praised my thorough research, another my writing and writing style. In fact, one of the evaluators is friends with my advisor, Jesse, and told him (in confidence, so shhhh) that I had a really good shot at winning. So we’ll see!
But the biggest news, is that I found out the day I presented at the symposium that I won the other research award; the Emeritus Society Award. I was ecstatic, to say the least, and unbelievably proud. I haven’t won something of that magnitude ever, so it was so fulfilling and something I will always remember. I attend an awards ceremony Tuesday to accept the award. Check out the announcement on WSU’s website by clicking the title of this blog.
Yesterday, Jesse took me out to lunch to celebrate. It was a great time, and in the end, he told me that I was no longer my advisor or professor, and I was no longer his student or mentee. From now on, he said, we should refer to each other as friends. We promised to keep in touch, and meet up whenever I come to Pullman or if he’s in Seattle. I will definitely miss him, and am so thankful for having the opportunity to work with him.
At lunch though, Jesse shared with me one more piece of exciting news. An Emeritus professor at WSU read my work and was enamored by it. He asked Jesse to give me his email so that I could potentially send him another copy. He also asked if he could share it with a professor at a different university who is in the process of writing a book on Jewish history. I considered this request such an honor. What’s even more exciting is that this Emeritus professor is in the education field and is a leading researcher and advocate in school reform in Washington State, specifically in regards to the WASL. Jesse stated this might be a good opportunity to get into contact with him, as I myself am going into education and he is certainly well established and respected in the field. So I am beyond excited to talk to him and feel so proud that someone with such high credentials felt so strongly about my work.
Alright, enough bragging. I apologize, but it’s been a whirlwind of a last week or so, and I had to share all this exciting news! Thanks for listening to my ramble on, yet again, about my thesis!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Boys vs. Girls
Harry Burns was right.
I wanted to deny it, for years. But when Harry turned to Sally Albright and told her guys and girls couldn't be friends (because the sex always got in the way) he unfortunately spoke the truth.
(Buy the way, if anyone is lost about who I'm referring to, I'm disappointed in you. Get off my blog.)
When I came to college, I formed many friendships...primarily with guys. I naively thought "How great! I love hanging out with such low-maintenance, low-drama people who want to talk about baseball and eat giant burgers with me!" Many even moved past the trivial baseball-watching, burger-eating friendship and became people I thought i could be real, true friends with. People I could talk to, cry to, and count on. I'm approaching the end of college in 5 short weeks, and honestly? I don't know if I can truly see myself staying contact with any of these "friends" once I leave here.
It does kind of make me sad...some of these guys I honestly though I was close to- thought we'd be lifelong friends. So what happened? Well, several things. In some instances, I'd start dating someone and the "friend" would suddenly not want anything to do with me. Or' they'll decide they have feelings for me, tell me, and it'd get awkward and they'd retract. Or. they'd start dating someone and would no longer have time for a platonic female friend (although I can't always blame the guy completely for this one -- some of the blame must be placed on their controlling, insecure girlfriends who aren't comfortable with their boyfriends fostering a friendship with me).
Now, there are a few exceptions to the rule, and, though rare, they do exist. But true friendships are very difficult to form with members of the opposite sex. Friendships with males can only (for the majority of the time) only really exist if they stay in the superficial sports-food-and-beer-drinking stage. And, even then, I wouldn't count on it lasting. I want to say that maybe this will change as I get older, and men will no longer act like the horny, selfish guys that I've encountered. Unfortunately, I'm under the belief that boys will be boys, regardless of age (sorry to my male readers out there!)
So what does this all mean? Well, I'll still enjoy the fun, superficial friendships I foster with males, I'll cherish and appreciate the rare REAL friendships I am able to have with males(shout out to my only guy friends and pseudo-brothers Seth and Matt!), and I'll be FOREVER thankful for the girls in my life.
I'll now leave you with the full quote...god, I love this movie:
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
I wanted to deny it, for years. But when Harry turned to Sally Albright and told her guys and girls couldn't be friends (because the sex always got in the way) he unfortunately spoke the truth.
(Buy the way, if anyone is lost about who I'm referring to, I'm disappointed in you. Get off my blog.)
When I came to college, I formed many friendships...primarily with guys. I naively thought "How great! I love hanging out with such low-maintenance, low-drama people who want to talk about baseball and eat giant burgers with me!" Many even moved past the trivial baseball-watching, burger-eating friendship and became people I thought i could be real, true friends with. People I could talk to, cry to, and count on. I'm approaching the end of college in 5 short weeks, and honestly? I don't know if I can truly see myself staying contact with any of these "friends" once I leave here.
It does kind of make me sad...some of these guys I honestly though I was close to- thought we'd be lifelong friends. So what happened? Well, several things. In some instances, I'd start dating someone and the "friend" would suddenly not want anything to do with me. Or' they'll decide they have feelings for me, tell me, and it'd get awkward and they'd retract. Or. they'd start dating someone and would no longer have time for a platonic female friend (although I can't always blame the guy completely for this one -- some of the blame must be placed on their controlling, insecure girlfriends who aren't comfortable with their boyfriends fostering a friendship with me).
Now, there are a few exceptions to the rule, and, though rare, they do exist. But true friendships are very difficult to form with members of the opposite sex. Friendships with males can only (for the majority of the time) only really exist if they stay in the superficial sports-food-and-beer-drinking stage. And, even then, I wouldn't count on it lasting. I want to say that maybe this will change as I get older, and men will no longer act like the horny, selfish guys that I've encountered. Unfortunately, I'm under the belief that boys will be boys, regardless of age (sorry to my male readers out there!)
So what does this all mean? Well, I'll still enjoy the fun, superficial friendships I foster with males, I'll cherish and appreciate the rare REAL friendships I am able to have with males(shout out to my only guy friends and pseudo-brothers Seth and Matt!), and I'll be FOREVER thankful for the girls in my life.
I'll now leave you with the full quote...god, I love this movie:
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Winners and Losers
(This is a commemorative speech I just wrote for my public speaking class...)
I’ll never forget the first time I met Devin. He was 20, I was 16. At 6’5”, he towered over me. He approached me rather abruptly and with intensity. He started to ask me multiple, completely random questions: did I like swimming? Was I right handed or left handed? Or, my personal favorite, how did I feel about mayonnaise? I was honestly uncomfortable. I didn’t know exactly how to respond. Luckily, a woman came and diverted his attention back to his school work he was supposed to be doing. I learned that Devin was autistic, and was in a special program for teens with autism. Devin challenged me that day, and I felt it was my turn to challenge myself. So, right then and there, I rather impulsively filled out an application to become a tutor within the program.
Over the next two years, I became Devin’s personal tutor. I spent every weekday with him, and as much as I taught him, he taught me more. What I immediately admired about Devin was his confidence – he approached me that first day with such assurance in himself, an assurance that most high school students often didn’t possess. Devin was himself, 100% of the time. And although he was often obsessive, socially-awkward and incoherent, he was shameless about it. No one should be afraid to be themselves, and Devin certainly reinforced that belief into me. Not only that, but Devin also proved to be one of the most compassionate people I’ve come to know. He fostered a genuine concern about everyone around him. His habit of asking obsessive, random questions proved just that – he wanted to get to know everyone and really become their friend.
Devin quickly became more than just “the boy I tutored”. He became my friend.
Regardless, I don’t think I really fully appreciated Devin until one specific day. You see, everyday, Devin and I went to a PE class, where they played individual sports (in teams). We played badminton, ping pong, bowling, etc. Unfortunately, every single game, we lost. Devin was a good sport though, and insisted on shaking the hands of his opponents congratulating their win. One day, after losing, he went to shake a boy’s hand. The boy, in turn, looked at Devin with disgust, and responded with a rather rude rendition of “no”. I was angered beyond belief, and after telling the other boy I found his actions unacceptable, me and Devin began to walk back to his class. On the way back, I apologized to Devin, on behalf of the boy. Devin responded that it was ok, he said the boy was simply a bad winner. I agreed, then Devin stated that he was the best loser ever. He kept repeating, over and over again, that he was a better loser than all the kids in his class. He was starting to annoy me and I snapped at him to stop it – there were a lot of good losers in the world besides him as well. Finally, he screamed at me, and this, I will never forget: he said he was the best loser because he lost the most in life.
This stung. Maybe because, until this day, I never gave Devin, or the Devin’s of the world, enough credit. Devin lost every sports game he played, yet he still played and put forth all his effort, even though it went for naught. And he did so with enthusiasm, a positive attitude, and sportsmanship that I had never before witnessed. But it wasn’t limited to this trivial PE class; this was how Devin lived his life. He would never drive a car. He would never go to college. He would never live alone. But Devin is one of the most persistent people I have come to know. Whereas many people would quit, Devin kept going. As I came to work with other autistic teens, I saw many of them even stare in the eye adversity and back down, out of embarrassment or fear. But my friend Devin was bigger than this. Like the boy that refused to shake his hand, many kids had made fun of Devin during his life. But Devin’s attitude was always positive, and I can’t say enough about how much I admired him. People like Devin often do lose in life, more than me, and more than many of you. But their ability to move past that with persistence and positivity make them the biggest winners of all.
I’ll never forget the first time I met Devin. He was 20, I was 16. At 6’5”, he towered over me. He approached me rather abruptly and with intensity. He started to ask me multiple, completely random questions: did I like swimming? Was I right handed or left handed? Or, my personal favorite, how did I feel about mayonnaise? I was honestly uncomfortable. I didn’t know exactly how to respond. Luckily, a woman came and diverted his attention back to his school work he was supposed to be doing. I learned that Devin was autistic, and was in a special program for teens with autism. Devin challenged me that day, and I felt it was my turn to challenge myself. So, right then and there, I rather impulsively filled out an application to become a tutor within the program.
Over the next two years, I became Devin’s personal tutor. I spent every weekday with him, and as much as I taught him, he taught me more. What I immediately admired about Devin was his confidence – he approached me that first day with such assurance in himself, an assurance that most high school students often didn’t possess. Devin was himself, 100% of the time. And although he was often obsessive, socially-awkward and incoherent, he was shameless about it. No one should be afraid to be themselves, and Devin certainly reinforced that belief into me. Not only that, but Devin also proved to be one of the most compassionate people I’ve come to know. He fostered a genuine concern about everyone around him. His habit of asking obsessive, random questions proved just that – he wanted to get to know everyone and really become their friend.
Devin quickly became more than just “the boy I tutored”. He became my friend.
Regardless, I don’t think I really fully appreciated Devin until one specific day. You see, everyday, Devin and I went to a PE class, where they played individual sports (in teams). We played badminton, ping pong, bowling, etc. Unfortunately, every single game, we lost. Devin was a good sport though, and insisted on shaking the hands of his opponents congratulating their win. One day, after losing, he went to shake a boy’s hand. The boy, in turn, looked at Devin with disgust, and responded with a rather rude rendition of “no”. I was angered beyond belief, and after telling the other boy I found his actions unacceptable, me and Devin began to walk back to his class. On the way back, I apologized to Devin, on behalf of the boy. Devin responded that it was ok, he said the boy was simply a bad winner. I agreed, then Devin stated that he was the best loser ever. He kept repeating, over and over again, that he was a better loser than all the kids in his class. He was starting to annoy me and I snapped at him to stop it – there were a lot of good losers in the world besides him as well. Finally, he screamed at me, and this, I will never forget: he said he was the best loser because he lost the most in life.
This stung. Maybe because, until this day, I never gave Devin, or the Devin’s of the world, enough credit. Devin lost every sports game he played, yet he still played and put forth all his effort, even though it went for naught. And he did so with enthusiasm, a positive attitude, and sportsmanship that I had never before witnessed. But it wasn’t limited to this trivial PE class; this was how Devin lived his life. He would never drive a car. He would never go to college. He would never live alone. But Devin is one of the most persistent people I have come to know. Whereas many people would quit, Devin kept going. As I came to work with other autistic teens, I saw many of them even stare in the eye adversity and back down, out of embarrassment or fear. But my friend Devin was bigger than this. Like the boy that refused to shake his hand, many kids had made fun of Devin during his life. But Devin’s attitude was always positive, and I can’t say enough about how much I admired him. People like Devin often do lose in life, more than me, and more than many of you. But their ability to move past that with persistence and positivity make them the biggest winners of all.
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